So how do you do downsize? In researching this post I discovered Marni Jameson’s wonderful book “Downsizing the Family Home” published last year by AARP. She has learned how to dump everything, from husbands to houses to stuff. She starts off by quoting Morris’s contemporary, Mark Twain, acknowledging the emotional tugs:Our house was not unsentient matter — it had a heart and a soul, and eyes to see with…. We never came home from an absence that its face did not light up and speak out its eloquent welcome — and we could not enter it unmoved.Mark Twain’s house spoke to him, and no doubt the stuff in it did too. Jameson gets how stuff speaks to families, and how hard it is to part with it: “Simply and starkly put, sorting through a household makes us face our own mortality: the passage of time, life and death, where we’ve been, where we haven’t been, where we are in life, successes and regrets.”
When discussing the first cut of getting rid of stuff, Jameson channels Morris and writes:When sorting, ask these questions: Do I love it? Do I need it? Will I use it? If you don’t answer yes to one of them, the item goes. This is a message that resonates with every generation. I came to the conclusion that the best way to choose what to keep and what to throw away is to take each item in one’s hand and ask: “Does this spark joy?” If it does, keep it. If not, dispose of it. This is not only the simplest but also the most accurate yardstick by which to judge: Lose the emotional baggage and keep what is beautiful, loved or that sparks joy.
So how do you narrow it down when you’re dealing with your parents’ house of treasures? I particularly liked the advice Peter Walsh of TLC’s “Clean Sweep” gave Jameson: Imagine that your parents have deliberately left you five treasures. Your job is to find the items that have the strongest, happiest memories for you. Go through not in sadness but in loving memory. So look with joy for the few, best items to keep. Let the rest go.
Perhaps the best advice in Jameson’s book is the discussion about when to downsize. Attitude — and timing — makes a difference. Moves to downsize are much easier when people choose to move, rather than when the move chooses them, which happens when people become too frail, have an accident, lose a spouse who made independent living possible, or start having cognitive issues.The consensus from the book, from my personal experience and from the many comments on my post is that we should get ahead of the problem. Get rid of the stuff while you can and don’t leave it to your kids, because they really will not thank you for it or know what to do with it. For your kids, emptying your house will not spark joy.
Downsizing has become a significant industry, and with 8,000 Americans turning 65 every day, there’s a significant market. There’s even a professional association, the National Association of Senior Move Managers, “who specialize in helping older adults and their families through the daunting process of transitioning to a new residence.” There are companies that will come into your home and organize your stuff, photograph it and get rid of it, using the latest social media resources.
